Destined Forgivings
by Durkstar
Summary: Asking ladies out for drinks is apparently not the way to charm...Following Nikki and Lorraine's storyline.
1. Want a drink?

AN: Hi! This is my first ever fanfiction, and it's to do with the relationship of Nikki and Lorraine from Waterloo Road, I accept constructive criticism just no hating please! And tell me if there's anything I can work/improve on and if you like it or not, please enjoy.

My heart is beating fast, sweat dripping down the sides of my emotionless face.

Like he's teasing me, Michael flicks through a few more pages of Jodie's test paper, a look on his face that I can't identify, Nikki looks at me with reassuring eyes, noticing how nervous I am. One more page is turned, the last page.

"Well! I think she may of done it!" He says, a smirk spreading across his face as he glances up at us. My eyes twinkle with happiness, while Nikki just lets out a sigh of relief, and smiles at me cutely, my heart speeds up.

"How do you think she did it with all that has happened?" Nikki asks, I think she's asking Michael, but she's looking at me, a look of admiration on her face, I laugh, not sure of what to make of her behaviour.

"Well, maybe it made her more determined?" Michael suggests, as more as a question, he nods, still somewhat reading across the paper.

"She's done the PRU proud!" I state, glancing up at Nikki with a smile, she shyly smiles back.

"That she has..." Nikki says, in more of a whisper.

Michael flips through the paper one last time, smiling, and then hands it to Nikki, "put it with the rest, I'll go find her." Nikki smiles at the paper, like it's a cute little puppy found on the street and starts to follow Michael out, then I speak up, feeling more confident now.

"So have you, Nikki-" I start, she turns around confusion spread across her face, and a frown appears, my smile widens as I pull my bag onto my shoulder and move closer to her. "Done the PRU proud, Michael was definitely right when he said; you were the woman for the job!" She smiles now, genuine, my hearts flutters.

"Thanks..." Nikki laughs, I laugh with her, and somehow during the process we've been drawn closer to each over, I want to take a step back to reassure her but I don't, instead I just glance awkwardly at the floor. "It means a lot..." Her voice is much quieter now, and I can tell she is tensing up, she looks down for a second.

When she looks up, she sees that I'm looking at her...staring, I feel my heartbeat increase, and suddenly I feel as though I have been shot, I feel like I can't say or move or do anything, tension is taking over. Her eyes are a beautiful dark blue and her lips look so soft, suddenly the smile from her face is turning slowly to a frown. I then look away, realising that I have just been staring at her in silence.

"I should get back to the PRU, they're probably wondering where I am..." She says, there's something different now, she seems distracted? Confused maybe? She looks down, biting her lip nervously.

"Yeah, 'course." Is all I can say, she nods and turns away, she walks to the door and stops when her hand touches the handle, my heart is beating like never before.

"Look...do you fancy going for a drink later?" She turns to me, something is in her eyes, it looks like desperation, but I can't be sure, she seems to regret it, like I'll say no, but I don't.

"I-um..." I'm staring at her, eyes wide, cheeks a flush, my breathing increases I'm not sure what to say or do...

"Of course you don't...what was I thinking? Sorry, Lorraine." She says, guilt in her voice. Her eyes trail down my body for a last time, and she leaves, without giving me a moment to respond.

Walking out of Waterloo Road. Silence. Darkness. I tighten my the scarf around my neck, partially to keep the cold out and partially to restrict my breathing, to get the voices out of my head. I walk faster, the surroundings becoming blurrier, at first I'm not sure why, then I realise it's because of the hot, stinging tears that are streaming down my face, I keep walking though, not wanting anyone to see my in this state, I'm glad no one is here, I hate to be weak, I hate to be helpless and that's exactly what I feel like right now.

Eventually I see my red Ferrari, I don't know what I was thinking parking it so far away, nothing seems clear at the moment, I want to turn back and find Nikki, apologize, hold her... But I won't, I know she wouldn't appreciate it, so I shakily slip into my Ferrari, and shut the door. I sit there for a while, just staring ahead, mascara dripping down my face and my hands turning white from how hard I had been clutching the steering wheel. Then I look around, feeling slightly calmer in my car, everyone is almost gone, Michael's gone, Audrey's gone but Nikki's car is still there, I wonder what's she is doing, I wonder if she would think about me?

"Don't flatter yourself, Lorraine...of course she wouldn't." I say to myself, that's when it all sinks in and I pull out of the car park, trying not to blind myself with tears, which doesn't do much because then it begins to rain, dark, dark rain.

Later I'm sitting out on the front porch, the rain has stopped, I'm sitting here with three bottles of wine, because I don't want to be brave, I don't want to face reality. I want to be left alone in darkness to die, or unconscious for years. This is as close as I'm going to get, it's dark and I can bearley see anything, and in my sick mind I think maybe just maybe if I think negative enough, part of me will die. I'm taking another and another big gulp of wine, hoping that it will numb my senses, make me forget it all, but all it does is make me remember, remember my past, remember why I'm so cold and haven't had a relationship since I was fifteen and why I am so confused. I close my eyes trying to forget it all, my father laughing above me while I lay defenceless on the cold cellar floor, and how Nikki's changing me so much.

"She's just one woman! One amazing woman...NO!" I almost shout, gulping down two of the three bottles of wine I bought out, I stare at the black, misty sky for awhile, before I slowly fall into a slumber.


	2. Call me maybe?

AN: Is it wrong that I jumped with glee for three reviews? Thanks to them, and sorry if this chapter's bad, I've been kept awake all week by a builder and shouting on my street. But to try enjoy

I awake, my head is throbbing with a familiar pain and my stomach is slowly eating itself. I open my eyes, looking around I see I am exactly in same position as last night, last night...I roughly put my hand through my blonde hair and try remember the events from last night, then it all comes back, _I drank all that wine because I was trying to forget my feelings and my father, real classy, Lorraine! _I sigh, using my hand to guide me to my phone, my mind still fuzzy, I look down at the screen, it's too bright for me but I can see the figures 7:15, then my eyes shoot open and I'm scrambling out of my sun bed and into my house.

Leaning against a bin to steady me, I call back my accountant, who had called earlier, my head is still spinning, less then before but it's still painful and I'm pretty sure I look worse then ever, considering I have a major hangover. The sun suddenly shines, and then I can see all of the students laughing and messing around as they walk into school, but what strikes me the most is a car. Not just a car. Nikki Boston's car.

"I need you to change the meeting date! I can't make it, I'm sorry!" I explain, my voice becoming a whisper, seeing Nikki come out of her car. She smiles at me sweetly, like nothing has happened, maybe she hopes that we can forget that anything back? Despite my thoughts I smile back, awkwardly, then she locks her car and walks past me to get into school, her perfume strong as she passes me. I know what's going to happen, it happened yesterday. My throat becomes dry, my face is flushed a bright red, and I feel as though I am drowning.

Footsteps. All I hear are her footsteps, not my accountant, not anything, just her. "I-I need to call you back..." I struggle out to my accountant, I mean to sound bold and professional, but somehow it comes out as more as a whimper, a cry in pain. I still hear her footsteps, her laugh, I see her smile. It's mesmerizing, my accountant then replies, "well I suppose I can, reschedule for...next Thursday, but I need those figures pronto, Lorraine!" She snaps, I flinch, I'm not sure why, she doesn't scare me or intimidate me...at all, maybe it's because I'm to distracted by Nikki, then I hear buzzing, realizing she's hung up I put my phone back in my bag and flick a few blonde curls out of my face trying to compose myself.

Like Nikki's a magnet I find myself following her steps, following the rhythm she made not long ago, a tad faster though, my feet are like my heart beat, quickly increasing every second.

"Hey! Lorraine!" I curse mentally, I'm trying to avoid Nikki and everyone else, even though it is impossible, I turn, it's Christine and Michael they're calling me over, then I notice Nikki, she's looking at the ground like she hasn't noticed a thing.

"Good 'oliday?" I ask, my accent sinking in, it's friendly, nothing more nothing less. I want to keep things neutral between all of us, because that's what Nikki wants and I know it, she stuffs her hands in her jeans pockets, while Christine and Michael smile at me.

"Couldn't of gone better! You?" They ask cheerfully, I just nod, my eyes frequently flickering at Nikki and every time, somehow she looks back, "Yeah...it was...all right." I say, they smile once more then walk away, leaving just Nikki and me.

The silence is chilling between us. I feel like she knows my thoughts and I know hers, my eyes flicker all over the place desperate to find something, anything that could break the silence...nothing. I chew my bottom lip, while she fumbles with her hands, I feel like she's watching me, pitying me, and I'm pitying her. Eventually I try to speak.

"I-I should..." I try, I shake my head, finding it hard to focus on her.

"Yeah, I should get going...you know papers to mark, Barry's to punish..." She stutters, gesturing the wide school doors, I lick my dry lips and nod slightly, I'm fighting back just going up to her and crashing her lips together, I know I can't, because I know it's wrong.

"Sure." I try to smile at her, but it comes out as more as a grimace. She slips on her bag and waves at me before walking into school, "bye." I hear her mumble, she sounds so confident, like nothing phases her, like a normal me.

Part of me wants to smile at the fact that she's forgetting, I think, about what happened yesterday, it's for the best. But then, a more possessive side of me wants her to remember, I want her to love me, _no you don't! _Do I? I can't even begin to explain the mess that is that my life.

"Lorraine? What are you doing out here?" A voice asks, I jump at the voice, my face scrunching up slightly. Turning around I see it's Tom, he has an expression on his face, which says anger and confusion.

"I could ask you that same question, Tom!" I snap back, harsher then I intend. I see he's visibly offended, his eyes widen and he stands up straighter, I go to take it back, not meaning any of what I said but he cuts me off.

"Well Lorraine, I was at the hospital filling out some forums for Grantly's kidney transplant!" He shouts, a wave of guilt washes over me and I move a step back away from him, watching his face as I turns into a glare, my face crumbles and I try to apologize he just brushes it off.

"Lorraine. It's fine, ok? Can we just go into school, before we're even more late!?" He says, voice softening now, I nod and walk with him into school.

I sit. Emotionless in my office, just staring at the blank, grey wall. I have just finished going over part of the figures that my accountant asked earlier and everything seems good, the school is always improving, I should be proud, happy even. But I'm being spoilt...blind? And dwelling on the sadder things in life. Even now I'm sad. I'm sad that I'm so pathetic, that I can't wash off stupid feelings and emotions, which anyone _normal _would be able to do.

The door opens then. I bang my head down on my wooden desk, not even bothering to lift it back up, I'm a mess anyway, my mascara's smudged and my eyes are tear filled, it couldn't get any worse. "Lorraine? Are you all right?" a voice asks, it's soft and gentle, I look up already knowing who it is.

"Yeah! I'm fine and dandy! Why wouldn't I be?" I asked, slyly trying to remove the smudged mascara from my face, looking up I see she's struggling to hold thirty or so books and a cup in the other, this makes me smile, I don't know why she just looks sort of cute?

She walks over to me and places the cup next to me and the books on a nearby shelf, then looks back at me, I can tell I'm busted. "Well Lorraine it's just that...I walked in and see you crying-" she stops for a second eyes flickering with something, "this is about before the holidays, isn't it, Lorraine?" she says, sympathy deep in her voice.

I think she wants to hold my hand, I see her move it, but pulls back. "I...I-no Nikki, I'm just going through a rough time at the moment, sorry to disappoint you!" I lie, she raises an eyebrow but says nothing, instead just hands me a reasonable size amount of paperwork.

"Alright then, well to keep you occupied I need you to go over this, thanks." She says, voice cold, then she's walking out and without facing me she then says, "if you ever need to talk, call me." And she's out, door closing. I'm confused, I don't have Nikki's number, _no, but you want her number! _I bite my lip and begin to mark her work, and on the third and fourth sheet there is a little piece of card with a long number on it, and underneath:

Call me, please...

-N x

I smile, genuine happiness on my face.


	3. Vanilla

AN: Gosh, Thanks to NeveyG for being an ongoing reviewer it means a lot, but of course thanks to all my 5 reviewers it encourages me to keep writing! Please enjoy this chapter, even though I personally don't like this chapter at all, constructive criticism is always appreciated, no hate though.

The day is rough for me, all day I've been hopping from classroom to classroom, asking for a word outside to explain the cuts I have to make, they obviously are not impressed, neither am I personally, I don't want to make them, that's the last thing I want, but I have to, otherwise the school will have to shut down. "Not on my watch..." I whisper to thin air, smirking slightly, as I press a button on the instant coffee machine. I'm in the staffroom, it's still school time, everyone's busy doing something, but I've finished most of my paperwork and decided it's time for a little relaxation. It was rare to get any at Waterloo Road, you should treasure a moment of rest like it is your last.

I stare up at my white, blank ceiling and just think. I'm debating on whether I should call her or not, as soon as I got home last night home her number soon found a way into my phone, and yet I can't bring myself to throw away the small slip of card that has her number on it. I feel as though, that small slip of paper may be the beginning of something special, I want it to start something special, but my mind convinces me otherwise, I sigh and slip it back into my breast pocket. Instead of just sitting there, I pull out my phone, the harsh glow hurting my eyes, and scroll through my contact list, only now am I realizing how many phone numbers I actually have in my phone. I know where her name is though, it'll be at the bottom, because I've never called her before, I want to change that, I want to call her often, I want her name to be at the very top.

Should I call her? She said to call her, didn't she? Or am I seeing things? I don't know any more, the best choice now would just be to put the phone away all together, I want to call her, but at this time of day it would just be ridiculous. So instead I slip into the chair, I need to put my phone onto the arm of the chair, but part of me wants to hold it, for some reason whenever I move the phone away I get a feeling of guilt rising in my stomach, maybe it's because she's expecting me to call her, maybe? I don't know, she's probably busy anyway, so I take a sip of one of the many instant coffees.

Suddenly the door bursts open, I almost spit out my coffee because of it, to my surprise it's Fergal, his expression screams horrified, I call out. "Oi! Fergal!" If anything I'm worried, he runs over to the window desperate to open it, then he just gives up and runs behind a box of spare supplies, his breathing slowly becoming quieter. I'm about to ask what's wrong but before I can call out the sam door that Fergal came through is kicked open.

"Who are you?" I ask, jumping out of my chair now, my confusion rising.

"Where is the runt!?" He asks, automatically I know who he's on about, it explains Fergal's strange entrance. But I figure it is be best to play stupid, and act like I have no idea on what he's on about, just by looking at him he seems dangerous.

"Who?" I say, faking my best confused voice, he seems to buy it.

"The junkie, he's scum!" He mocks, moving closer to me, I feel uncomfortable but I know I have to keep playing along.

"Well then, why don't we call the police?" I suggest, heading over to my I-phone, he grunts as I do that.

"No use, they wouldn't understand. Sometimes you just have to take the law into your own hands..." He says, I'm scared now. I don't know why, I'm genuinely not scared by anything but something about him intimidated me.

"I'm just going to call the police." I say going to pick up my I-phone, he grabs me, causing me to drop my I-phone in surprise. His grip is hard and I can feel it getting harder, my circulation will soon be cut off. Now I'm really scared, my heart is beating fast, but not faster then it was when I was talking to Nikki.

"You don't frighten me!" I mock, he pushes me up against the wall, I feel tiny now, I'm trapped, it's a feeling that's familiar, a feeling that I hate.

"Now are you going to tell me where he is?" He pauses for a second, moving closer to me, I can smell his breath now, smells of tobacco, thick. "Or am I going to have to start some damage?" My breathing increases, as he drags me over to the window, I don't know what to do.

"Let her go. It's me you want, not her..." Fergal says suddenly, popping out from behind the box, a frown taped to his face. My breathing slows down, when the man lets me go, I walk over to Fergal placing my hands on his shoulders, desperate to find out what is happening.

"Fergal what's-" I'm cut off, the man pushes me back, sending back into the wall, he grabs Fergal by his shirt, suffocating him slightly he starts to walk out with him, I want to get up, but my eyes feel heavy and my back gets a sharp pain whenever I start to move, my eyes slowly close until I hear a voice I've been wanting to hear all day.

"Stop right there!" She's seems warn out, her voice is husky and she struggles just to put her hand out to stop him, I feel a wave of relief come over me, and a shy smile appears on my face. _She's so brave... _The man is tough and violent and yet she doesn't back down, she knows how to deal with these people, she brave and smart.

I try pay attention on what the situation is with Fergal but she's just so distracting, her eyes, her lips everything about her is so beautiful, I desire her, I need her but I can't have her. I'm in a trance I can make out a few words of the conversation, but my eyes are fixed on her, she is my my daydream, my fantasy. I feel horrible for not listening, but even when I try my back will suddenly get a striking pain or Nikki's eyes will quickly flicker on my body.

Tension meter, high.

It's nearing the end of the day, just after the 'accident' the police was called and I was forced to explain the incident, even though I really had no idea what was happening, luckily Fergal's distressed mother was there to guide me somewhat through it. Now I'm sitting in my office, Nikki is sat on a nearby table while I'm sitting in a chair in a daze.

"They need this place, don't they?" I ask her, my eyes glued on the shining sun outside the window. She gives me a puzzled look, and replies.

"Who?"

"The kids." I explain, I sigh for a moment, she's staring at me now with an intrigued expression, making my heart race. "No matter what, crazy things are going on in their lives...Waterloo Road's 'er to mop 'em up." I state, my eyebrows raising. She laughs, a smile of amusement on her face, my stomach is filling with butterflies, ever so slowly.

"You've just realized?" I begin to pack some folders in my black leather bag, with my tone serious I say. "I don't think anyone can question your appointment after today." Her cheeks color slightly, but she's frowning and looking at the floor.

"It wasn't...um just the staff I wanted to prove myself to," I look up now, curious as to what's being thought in her mind, she's so private it's hard to tell sometimes. "I don't want people thinking that I'm your puppet..." She finishes solemnly, looking at me once more, I slip my bag onto my shoulder and stand up, walking close to her. Her breath almost could be felt.

"What, you think I 'ired you so I could; pull strings?" She laughs, I inch closer, faces so close, but feels so far. "Nikki the last thing I think of you is that your manageable..." She looks down slightly, but back up when I begin to talk again, "I've got some amazing plans for this school-you and me, we're the ones to make it happen!" Our eyes lock, slowly I move my face closer to hers, my mind tells me I should pull away, but I'm drawn to her. Her lips are soft and have a faint taste of vanilla, making me smirk into the kiss, what surprises me the most is that she doesn't pull away, not until I do.

I stare nervously into her eyes for a sign of reassurance, she seems surprised, I don't wait for anything else as our lips lock once more, my hand finds it way around her neck. She stands up to deepen the kiss, and to pull our bodies together.

Actions speak louder then words...


	4. Temporary Bliss?

Hi! Been awhile hasn't it? Yeah sorry about that I have tons of school work and I also had my moving up day so yeah! Here's the next chapter it's very short and rushed because of the mountain of tests I've been doing so don't kill me...Oh and I opened an ask Lorikki blog on tumblr, I can't link but type lorikki into the search bar and you should find it! There's a song that influenced this chapter 'Temporary bliss' by the cab

my head falls back against a soft pillow. Causing my blonde hair to spread out in different directions. I breathe heavily, trying to remember my normal breathing pattern, I'm sweating, not nervously just pure lust makes me sweat. _That was amazing...she's amazing...do I love her?_

Like Nikki can hear my thoughts her eyes meet mine, she's biting her lip and blushing slightly. "Miss Donnegan...this is going to sound so stupid, but, but..." She trails off for a moment, sitting up slightly to avoid my eyes. "D-do you _love _me?" Her words are quiet.

Silence lingers for a moment, as I try to process her words, do I? I mean I've kissed her, I've even got intimate with her, but is it love or lust? She's beautiful no one can deny that, and whenever I'm around her I feel different, I can't quite explain it, she makes me want to hold her protect her, no one can hurt her, she's perfect she doesn't deserve any trouble.

"I-I think so..." I whimper, almost glancing at her but deciding against it. She seems confused and raises an eyebrow and I know she's hurt.

"What does that mean Lorraine? Please tell me I don't understand, please?" Nikki pleads, she wants me, she wants to here those three words, three heart filled words that have brought me so much pain in the past.

I love you.

Seeing her upset kills me inside, I want her, I do! But I'm scared, I'm such a bitch, I'm evil and I know if I love Nikki I'll eventually hurt her, it's my worst nightmare and I know soon it will be a reality.

"I-I don't know, Nikki!" I stammered, my voice loud and filled with confusion. "Whenever I'm around you I get a feeling in my stomach, it's amazing and I never want it to stop! And yet I hide my feelings, Nikki, because I know if I love you I will hurt you, stupid people and things will mess with my mind, I'll snap and hurt you! That's the worst pain I could receive, I'm sorry..." I feel hot, my face is flushed and I'm sweating. Her eyes are wide and yet I can see right through them.

"Lorraine. I understand, ok?" She pauses for a moment, locking her eyes with mine, I feel weak, hypnotised under her eyes. "I know how hard it must be to hide your feelings, because I've been doing the same...for you. I love you Lorraine, I fucking love you! And I know things wont be perfect, things never are but I'd be willing to try for you, because I need you!" She explains, sitting up on the bed and clutching my hands in hers.

Following my heart, I pull her close to me, her face inches from mine and gently stroke her cheek, her skin is like a newborns' smooth, she so perfect. I hear a high pitched moan come from her throat, and she pushes into me slightly bare chests touching, hearts racing.

"Please don't let this be temporary bliss...I want to be happy, once and for all..."

"I think I can arrange that for you!" I hear her reply, I smile.


End file.
